Our Struggle with Infertility
We tried for over 3 years to have Rowan – maybe longer but who’s counting? After years of diligently tracking my cycle, taking my temperature each morning, checking my cervix, using an app, taking vitamins and more vitamins, we saw our family doctor who referred us both for testing.
Let’s just say the results were not positive. We were both required to attend an appointment at the fertility clinic with a doctor who told us the bad news. Sitting side-by-side in that brightly lit office, a doctor explained our results while surrounded by posters of male and female anatomy, models of uteruses, and charts showing phases of a woman’s menstrual cycle. In those moments my heart broke. All I could do was hold my husband’s hand, listen, and ask the few questions I could form in those moments.
We were referred to a specialist for further testing. A year later, after finally receiving treatment to correct the issue, we were told to “keep trying” and to wait and see. Apparently things often get better and couples are able to conceive normally so again we tried, and I cried month after month. Watching my friends get pregnant “on the first try” and having babies together, a coworker announcing her pregnancy on the day I got my period then complaining every day of her pregnancy, sitting down for brunch with friends and their kids while someone played their child’s favourite lullaby. My heart broke in every one of those moments, over and over again.
I unfollowed friends on Facebook because I couldn’t bear to see those pregnancy announcements, made excuses to avoid baby showers and first birthday parties, and adopted a second dog because we had started to picture life without babies of our own.
We finally got to the point where we realized that treatment hadn’t made a big enough improvement. The next step was IVF. That felt big, very big and very expensive. I never pictured my life with IVF in it, conceiving my baby in a laboratory after dozens of needles and thousands of dollars. It felt like a last resort, admitting we really needed help but the truth was that we did.
So in November we mustered the courage to attend an “Info Night” which was a mandatory prerequisite to starting the IVF process at our clinic. Then we signed the papers and set our date to start – January 2015. We had a trip to Disney planned in December and it felt like a perfect time to bring some magic pixie baby dust home. And oh, it was!
Read more about our journey through infertility treatments and IVF here
Have you done IVF or struggled with fertility? Tell me your story in the comments below!